Loving God Means Loving Your Spouse
By Joe Barruso - Certified Relationship Coach
“For if we say we love God but hate others, we are liars. We cannot love God, whom we have not seen, if we do not love others, whom we have seen.” — 1 John 4:20 (GNT)
I used to tell myself I loved God. I went to church. I studied the Bible. I volunteered and participated in a life group. On the outside I looked like the husband and father everyone expected: hardworking, involved, helpful around the house. But after twelve years of marriage, my wife was ready to walk away.
That was a hard truth. I had been living a lie. Loving God in word and worship is not the same as loving God in the everyday, ordinary ways that show up inside a marriage. I wasn’t loving my wife the way Christ loves the church — with selfless truth and grace. My faith hadn’t reached the place that matters most: the shared life with the person God gave me as a partner.
The consequences were real. My marriage, my family, everything I held dear, was in danger. But the Lord didn’t leave me there. He confronted my complacency and called me to take up my cross (Matt. 16:24). That meant crucifying the selfish, disobedient parts of me — choosing repentance, humility, and change over comfort and pride. As I engaged with God in that process, I began to learn what it means to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength (Mark 12:30) — and to let that love reshape how I loved my wife.
God’s design for marriage is clear: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Gen. 2:18). Taking woman from man’s side physicalizes our love for God. Marriage is a living demonstration of this love, not just a private promise, but a daily reflection of God’s love for the world to see.
Words are easy. Actions reveal the truth. You can say you love God and you can say you love your spouse, but the real measure is how you treat them when no one is watching — with patience, self-sacrifice, truth, and grace. If your faith doesn’t show up there, it’s time to examine what you really worship.
If you’re standing where I stood — on the edge of losing what matters — know this: God is willing to do the hard work with you. Change requires honesty, surrender, and consistent action. It begins with taking up your cross, letting God expose and crucify your selfishness, and then choosing, day by day, to love your spouse with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Pray. Confess. Act. Let your love for God be known by the way you love the person He placed beside you.